I frequently feel like a bad person because I'm not interested in talking to people, even if I do like them, and because I find myself bored and reaching for my phone in conversations. I don't know if this is related to my depression or not.
Not only does texting and posting in Discord servers satisfy my desire to filter what I say and hide my body language and tone, but it allows me to respond when I want to and let a conversation die without having to literally walk away from somebody. Genuinely engaging with, listening to, and participating with interest (even if feigned) in a real-life conversation has gotten so. Dang. Hard!
And I think this makes it even harder for me to keep up in a conversation. I've gotten pretty good at things like quantity over quality and trying to filter less, but fully forcing responses and body language is exhausting and I'm afraid I seem ingenuine or uninterested. (Which, sometimes, I am, as mean as that might sound; I can't help it.)
So at some point I decided I couldn't keep forcing myself to try and hang out with people when I really wasn't enjoying myself. I hope that enjoyment returns someday, if only because I know that my parents won't be around for forever and they can't be my only companions in life (I live with them due to disability).
Texting and Discord are great tools to stay connected while IRL conversation is hard--there's no moral judgment on connecting digitally versus face to face. And some conversations are just uninteresting! I was in one today and wasn't sure how to bow out gracefully--it's a universal struggle.
I LOVE Harriet Lerner and have/loved her book 'The Dance of Anger' and found it so powerful. But the quote you wrote about her not being inspired by people always having a good day made me laugh AND I found it totally relatable! I may pick that one up. I also find that doorknob tip GENIUS!
I frequently feel like a bad person because I'm not interested in talking to people, even if I do like them, and because I find myself bored and reaching for my phone in conversations. I don't know if this is related to my depression or not.
Not only does texting and posting in Discord servers satisfy my desire to filter what I say and hide my body language and tone, but it allows me to respond when I want to and let a conversation die without having to literally walk away from somebody. Genuinely engaging with, listening to, and participating with interest (even if feigned) in a real-life conversation has gotten so. Dang. Hard!
And I think this makes it even harder for me to keep up in a conversation. I've gotten pretty good at things like quantity over quality and trying to filter less, but fully forcing responses and body language is exhausting and I'm afraid I seem ingenuine or uninterested. (Which, sometimes, I am, as mean as that might sound; I can't help it.)
So at some point I decided I couldn't keep forcing myself to try and hang out with people when I really wasn't enjoying myself. I hope that enjoyment returns someday, if only because I know that my parents won't be around for forever and they can't be my only companions in life (I live with them due to disability).
Texting and Discord are great tools to stay connected while IRL conversation is hard--there's no moral judgment on connecting digitally versus face to face. And some conversations are just uninteresting! I was in one today and wasn't sure how to bow out gracefully--it's a universal struggle.
I LOVE Harriet Lerner and have/loved her book 'The Dance of Anger' and found it so powerful. But the quote you wrote about her not being inspired by people always having a good day made me laugh AND I found it totally relatable! I may pick that one up. I also find that doorknob tip GENIUS!
Yes, I love Harriet Lerner, too! She's both wise and real. And Adam Mastroianni is one to watch!