Why social anxiety and procrastination go together (and how to stop)

I’ll bet you a cheese stick that if you struggle with social anxiety, you struggle with procrastination as well.

So many of my clients report they procrastinate on things that “should” be easy, like calling to make a dentist appointment, replying to a text, or taking those leftover paint cans in the basement to the hazardous waste site.

But it’s not about the task, it’s about how the task makes us feel. Those of us familiar with social anxiety often procrastinate because we’re worried about being criticized or judged. Therefore, it makes total sense that we procrastinate over “small” things like returning phone calls, asking the landlord to fix the screen door, or inviting a new friend to coffee. 

In other words, procrastination isn't about time management. It’s about emotion management. When we procrastinate, we’re avoiding feeling incompetent, awkward, stupid, like a pushover, or any of the other negative feelings our task gives rise to.

But we can push back on the perfectionism in two ways:

First, go easier on yourself. Do you really have to talk to the dental receptionist in perfectly articulated paragraphs? Does your new friend really expect you to seamlessly deliver witty, exciting stories until she finishes her coffee? Probably not. The expectations are likely not as sky-high as your anxiety insists. 

Next, think about it from the point of view of whomever you’re worried will judge you. Think about their range of experiences. Receptionists have to deal with wrong numbers, angry customers, clueless bosses. Therefore, it’s not a catastrophe if you need to repeat your credit card number. Likewise, new friends don’t expect you to connect with them perfectly 100% of the time. You may discover shared passions for true crime podcasts and Indian cooking, but miss each other over cultivating orchids. No biggie. 

In sum: try to roll back the perfectionism when you find yourself procrastinating. Plus, lowering the pressure and sky-high expectations allow you to be more human and authentic, not to mention finally making those “easy” tasks a little easier.