3 Ways to Make Self-Compassion Easier
Self-compassion can be one word...or no words at all
Self-compassion—being warm and understanding to ourselves when we fall short or feel inadequate—can be trickier than it sounds. I used to try to guide clients through the classic, “talk to yourself as you would a good friend in your same situation,” but we’d end up sitting in awkward silence. Then both of us would feel bad and stuck.
It makes sense. Most of us have a hard time conjuring up a kind, soothing speech on the spot. Heck, some of us have never really received a kind, soothing speech, so how could we magically create one?
But you don’t have to be a self-compassion speechwriter. Here are 3 ways to make self-compassion a little easier.
1: Give your self-criticism a name. As you notice your self-criticism consciously, you’ll start to see themes. “Oh, this is the ‘I don’t know what I’m doing’ narrative.” “Here’s the ‘I suck and no one likes me’ thing again.” Or personify it even further: “This sounds like my Inner Judge.”
Naming it starts to create a little bit of distance between you and your self-criticism. There’s a subtle but big difference between “I’m a loser” and “My brain is telling me I’m a loser.”
2. Be kind to yourself with one phrase. You don’t have to keep up a steady stream of self-compassionate patter. Instead, try out one phrase: This is hard. I’m here for you. Easy on yourself. Even just one word: Gentle. Love. Peace. Repeat your kind word or phrase as often as you’d like.
3. Give yourself a gesture of support. Touch speaks louder than words. Place a kind hand over your heart, on your stomach, on your shoulder in a gesture of support. Want to go big? Breathe into your kind hand. Imagine sending kindness, care, or even excellent glittery vibes to yourself through your hand.
All in all, self-compassion doesn’t need to be grand, perfect, or polished. It can be one word, a caring hand on your belly, or thinking, “Oh, hello judgment. I recognize you.”
Self-compassion can be tiny. A little kindness goes a long way.